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Accent on Computers |  |
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Personally, I’m from San Diego, which is about as south as you can get, but that doesn’t count in their eyes. I also have a lot of online friends from the South. Good people. They like to laugh. In fact, they like to laugh so much they even had a tee-vee show called “Hee Haw.” They were going to call it something else but they were laughing so hard they just decided to call “Hee Haw” to save time. I was thinking how obvious it is that computers and the Internet are dominated by Northerners. Things would be a whole lot different, maybe even better, if my Southern friends were in charge. For one thing, it would be called “Winders.” You’d turn on your computer and there would be a pretty little scene and the title of Winders 98 or XP or whatever version you had. They wouldn’t call it “Spam” either. Spam is considered good eatin’ and there’s no way they would disrespect a fine pork product by calling unwanted emails, “Spam.” I have eaten enough Spam during my lifetime that I’d rather starve to death than eat another bite but there’s plenty of folks who just love their Spam with a little brown sugar, butter and a dab of mustard baked on. No, the Southerners would probably call it “Sushi.” Any respectable resident of the South knows that you should never eat fish raw. Fish should be deep-fried in batter. And you never, ever eat just one or two fish. You eat a whole mess of ‘em. As in, “I’m gonna go catch me a mess of catfish for supper tonight.” So they’d probably call the bad email Sushi. They’d be sitting around jawing. Southerners would never do anything as snotty as “chat.” They’ll jaw or yack or just talk a spell and they’d say, “I cain’t believe how much Sushi I had today in my mailbox. All of them wantin’ to enlarge my manhood, too. Heck, I’m having a hard enough time fittin’ in my britches, now!” And then they’d laugh and laugh and then go get something to eat. To keep their strength up, you know. They wouldn’t i.m., either. It’s much friendlier to call them “h.y.” as in “hey, y’all,” or “Hey, y’all busy right now?” Cookies are too hotty-totty, also. Rather be able to click on a slab of cornbread or a biscuit with gravy. So the Internet would be different. A lot friendlier and more chances to laugh. But just a word to the wise. If your Southern friend serves you a mess of beans with your catfish and cornbread, leave the winder open. |
Lynette 2004 All Right Reserved