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Finding Food |  |
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I can’t find anything to eat that hasn’t been made into a cuddly, cute character that is liable to break into song as I bite its head off. I just saw the new film, “Finding Nemo” and now, I can’t even eat fish. “Fish are our friends. Fish are NOT food.” Great. I already felt bad about chicken after “Chicken Run.” “Bambi” didn’t bother me too much because I don’t even like venison. I have no problem in giving up venison. I never ate lion so “Lion King” didn’t register on the guilt meter but I for one, would just like to know what serious psychological problem Disney, et al have with parents? I mean, I haven’t even seen the opening credits for “Finding Nemo” before the kid is half an orphan. Just tell me one Disney cartoon that has both parents alive and well at the end of the show. So I can’t eat vegetables because of “Veggie Tales.” I can’t eat pork because of “Babe” and “Charlotte’s Web.” “Flipper” ruled out tuna and veal, well, come on. Baby cows? Thanks to “The Brave Little Toaster” I even feel bad about eating toast. If they ever make dancing popcorn, I'm doomed. I’m probably overreacting. When my son was four and in preschool, his vegetarian teacher thought she would teach the kids a lesson about Thanksgiving by bringing in a live turkey. No, I’m not kidding. The turkey gobbled, flapped its wings and pooped on the carpet. I was just a tiny bit furious. “They’re only four-years old, for crying out loud,” I yelled at the teacher. “Why do you have to ruin a wonderful holiday for them?” “Well,” she said in a very snotty way, “I think they should know where the meat comes from.” Oh, this is just peachy, I thought on the way home. How am I going to handle THIS one? “Mommy?” “Yes.” “Are we eating that class turkey tomorrow?” “Well, you see, son. That turkey was a pet but we’re going to eat a different kind of turkey tomorrow.” “What kind?” “Thanksgiving turkey.” “Is it like the class turkey?” Refusing to meet those big brown eyes, I mumbled, “Yeah, sort of.” “You mean we’re going to eat meat?” There it is. The big question. No turning back now. “Yes, son. We’re going to eat meat.” “You mean we’re gonna be like the dinosaurs? COOL!” So, fine. Pass the fish sticks. But please, no singing, okay? |
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