 |
 |
 |
|
|
Perspective |  |
|
Crickets are just cockroaches who learned how to sing. Doves are pigeons with better press. Bad weather is also completely subjective. Most good folks are not aware of Oregon’s bipolarity. To be honest, most folks don’t care but again, depends on your perspective. Oregon is divided in so many ways but the main line in the sand is the Cascade Mountain range. To the West of these mountains, lies The Valley. The Willamette Valley produces most of the country’s grass seed, some very fine wine and traffic delays. The main cities are Portland, Salem and Eugene. The West side is green due to the massive amounts of rainfall and the resulting mold. To the East of the Cascades is the rest of the state. Bend is the largest city on this side and that’s where I live. This is the high desert and we get very little rain. Any precipitation we do receive is usually in the form of snow. The sun shines often over here but it doesn’t always produce heat. Currently, the people on this side are enjoying a hearty chuckle at the expense of our neighbors to the West. They are in full panic mode and their newscasts are filled with reporters about to wet themselves in excitement over the headline news story, the weather. The forecast for the valley is snow. Don’t even bother calling Portland because it is closed. So is our state capital, Salem. The schools are closed, businesses have late opening times if they’re opening at all and the streets are demolition zones. The shelves in the grocery stores have been wiped clean and there is a shortage of boots. The main freeway, I-5, is actually closed in some areas and there is talk of the return of Christ. So far cannibalism has been avoided, as has martial law, but The National Guard is standing by. The expected snowfall today for the valley is one to two inches. The newspaper, The Oregonian, actually said, the area was “braced for snow and freezing rain that was expected to wallop the region.” I’m not sure what people in Central Oregon would consider walloping but I sincerely doubt it would be anywhere near one to two inches of snow. Currently, my thermometer reports the outdoor temperature to be 4. That’s f*o*u*r degrees. For the second night in a row, the low at my house has been 1.2. Yesterday, I took a short walk at the hottest time of the day, when it was ten, and screamed in agony when my ears thawed out half an hour later. We no longer have sidewalks in Bend. The snowplows have buried all of them in about four feet of packed snow, gravel, ice and small children and animals that got in the way. We should see them again around April. I am doorman to the cats and dogs who share my home as they have learned to pee in record time. They also get along so much better as the mercury drops because they know whomever starts the fight has to go to the unheated garage. So, sorry Portland, but my heart really bleeds for you. |
2004 All Right Reserved