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I spent the majority of my life in Southern California, and yes, I know, that DOES explain a lot, but I’ve been in Oregon for the last seven years. It’s my home and I’m grateful to be able to live here but since I’m not a native, I think I’m a bit more objective than some of my neighbors. That being said, the new business slogan announced by our governor, Ted “Just Try and Pronounce My Last Name Right” Kulongoski is getting some well-deserved flack. Now remember, this is the guy who got elected with the slogan, “He’s a pretty good bowler.” Honestly. Governor Ted wants to attract business to our state with this catchy little phrase: “Oregon. We love dreamers.” Our governor is quite the word wizard, isn’t he? There are so many things wrong with this approach. For one thing, we have a drive-through espresso shop on just about every corner of every city and town in the state. No one sleeps around here, let alone, dreams. Between those places and Starbucks and Royal Blend, we’re all just bouncing around up here like hyperactive air molecules. However, we do a lot of daydreaming in Oregon. We daydream about the day when our schools are funded, they finally finish all of the road construction and Doonesbury stops making fun of us. We daydream about snow over here on the East side of the Cascades and they daydream about the sun on the West side. We can see the sun during the winter on this side of the state but it doesn’t work. It’s turned on and looks big and shiny yellow up there in the sky but absolutely no warmth whatsoever comes out of the darn thing. That’s when we pour our coffee on our feet. So in the interest of contributing to my new home state, I offer the following suggestions for a new state slogan: “Oregon. Where you can’t see the air!” “Oregon. Quit whinging about the weather or move back to California.” “Oregon. Wear your flannel proud!” “Oregon. It’s not pronounced ‘OR-EE-GUN.’” “Oregon. Home of the unlimited traffic delay.” “Oregon. No NFL but you can bet on it!” “Oregon. Home of the Trailblazers and land of the acquittal.” “Oregon. No sales tax but there’s nothing you’d want to buy here anyway.” “Oregon. State-run liquor stores but you can smoke grass if you’re sick.” “Oregon. Multi-color law enforcement cars so bring your radar detector.” “Oregon. MUCH better coffee than in Washington state. Good wine, too.” There. I’ve done my part. |
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